The First Cycle of Attempts

Hello everyone, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls—let’s move forward in this journey and dive into the first cycle of attempts.

We’ve all heard that life comes in circles. For me, it really felt like that. The whole thing started again. Final year of college. People around me were busy with placements, companies, packages… and then there was me. Preparing for an exam that has taken everything from me, drained me, yet somehow made me into the person I am today.

Sometimes I sit and think—what would my life have been like if I hadn’t chosen this? If I had just taken the easy road, sat for placements, maybe earned a good package, and settled. Perhaps life would’ve been smooth. But no, I chose this. And yes, people will argue that every job is difficult in its own way, and I agree. But for me, this feels harder. Demanding. Relentless.

So I made a decision. My first attempt would be the serious one. I would give it everything. I joined a well-known coaching institute, decided placements weren’t for me, and cut myself off from distractions. Even my friends. They would call, ask me to come out, and spend some time with them. I made excuses. Sat back at home. Told myself—this is the sacrifice.

At first, it worked. The first few mocks showed progress. I started believing maybe I can do this. Then I got an internship at MeitY, Delhi. And that’s where my old enemy came back—laziness. Procrastination. I started skipping classes, blaming internet issues. One class missed, then another, and soon the pile of backlogs was staring right at me.

This blog is not about glorifying success or crying over failures. It’s about the gray areas. The in-betweens.

I went to Shimla, thinking a change of place would help. Packed my books, told myself I’d cover everything there. I did study… a little. But the gap remained. Came back to college, thought my friends would push me back to track. For a few days, I went to the library, 3–4 days max, then again stopped.

Then came AFCAT, 23rd August 2024. Prepped for it in bits and pieces. But honestly, I wasn’t fully ready. I had panic attacks, random breakdowns, and anxiety at its peak. Felt demotivated. But again, friends pulled me through. I gave the paper—attempted 58 out of 100. Not perfect, but at least something. Result awaited.

Just when I thought I’d focus on CDS, life had other plans. 26th August—a call from my NCC unit. ATC camp. No choice. Packed up and left. Ten days at camp drained every ounce of energy. Day after day filled with activities, no time for CDS prep. Camp ended 4on th September, and the very next day, I was lying in bed with a high fever. Couldn’t even sit straight. For five days, fever pinned me down. Only on 10th September did I start to feel human again.

And now here we are. CDS. 14th September 2025. The attempt I had waited for four years. The big one. The moment I thought I would prove myself. And here I sit, at 0412 hrs, 12th September 2025, wide awake, unable to sleep. Thoughts crashing over me—I’ve wasted it. I’ve wasted my golden chance.

This attempt of CDS is gone. My friends and close ones keep telling me to study hard and give it my all, but somewhere inside I can already see the result of this attempt written in front of me. It hurts to admit it, but that’s the truth running through my head right now.

It’s like an ocean inside my head. I don’t know how to shut it off. Everyone else is living, laughing, enjoying. And me? Struggling. Failing. Breaking. Have you ever felt that? If yes, maybe you’re like me.

People will say, “Don’t overthink. Focus on the next one.” And I agree, that’s the right thing to say. But let’s be real—overthinking doesn’t stop with advice. The brain doesn’t just switch off.

Still… I know it won’t always stay this way. Things can’t get worse from here. Results will come. Maybe SSC Navy (Tech), maybe ICGCAT’27 exam on 18th September, maybe AFCAT. Something will click. Kuch na kuch toh acha hoga hi.

For now, this is where I stand. Broken a little, confused a lot, but still moving. This blog isn’t to inspire—it’s just to speak what I feel in this journey, but I can’t always say out loud.

See you at the next one.

My Journey to the All India Vayu Sainik Camp

Joining the Air NCC was the beginning of a new chapter in my life—a challenge that promised discipline, growth, and the chance to prove myself on a national stage. I had always heard stories about the prestigious All India Vayu Sainik Camp (AIVSC), but back then, it felt like a distant dream. Little did I know, my own path would lead me right into the heart of it.

The first two years in NCC went by relatively smoothly. Those years weren’t just about drills and classes—they were about personal growth. I learnt the real essence of camaraderie, unity, and discipline. Waking up at 0430 hrs every Sunday, ensuring I was never late for NCC classes, pushing through tough physical training sessions (ragda as we fondly call it), and constantly shaping myself into a better version of me—these became a way of life.

By the second year (2024), things got serious. That’s when we were introduced to AIVSC, a national-level camp filled with opportunities for Air Wing cadets. But making it to Bangalore, where the camp was to be held, was no easy task. The selection process was rigorous, involving three rounds of local selection camps (PVSCs). To secure a place, we had to excel in every area—academics (Aircraft SOP and specialized subjects), firing, aeromodelling, tent pitching, line area, and much more.

I don’t want to dive into the nitty-gritty of each selection test—what matters is that I gave it my all. As the dates for the first camp approached, I was determined to prove, not to others, but to myself, that I had it in me. My confidence, however, wasn’t at its peak. After my setback at SSB Bhopal, I was still battling a sense of self-doubt.

And then came a twist of fate. Just two days before the camp, I decided to indulge in one last game of my favorite sport—basketball. In a friendly match with beginners, I ended up with a broken left wrist. The doctor said it was a muscle strain that could turn into a fracture and might even require surgery. But I was stubborn—I refused to back out. I went to the camp anyway.

That 10-day camp played a crucial role in shaping the course ahead. With my injured wrist, I was automatically excluded from firing, tent pitching, and drill. At first, it felt like a huge loss. But strangely, it turned into an advantage. I got extra time to study, I was excused from ragda and strenuous physical exercises, and I could focus on sharpening my theoretical knowledge. The camp ended on 31st August 2024, with me securing the 4th rank. It was far below my expectations, but my only target remained clear—to reach AIVSC and win the Best Pilot Trophy, a dream my seniors had pursued but never achieved.

The second camp, however, tested me differently. This time, I was shackled by high fever throughout. My days were mostly spent sleeping, waking up only to attend exams and eat meals. But it was in this camp that I truly experienced the bond of NCC. My seniors and super-seniors personally took me to medical supervisors and hospitals for tests and checkups. My fellow cadets made sure I had my meals, checked up on me regularly, and never let me feel alone. That care and camaraderie became one of the most valuable takeaways from the camp.

Despite being unwell, I still managed to perform well academically, and from this camp onward, I consistently held the position of the Directorate Topper—a source of pride and motivation that kept me going. The camp concluded on 12th September 2024, and I returned to my hostel, both exhausted and humbled.

By 15th September, the third camp had begun. This was the launching ground for AIVSC-24. During this camp, the top eight performers, including me, were often called into the Camp Commandant’s cabin. He would test our knowledge on SOPs and specialized subjects, share his invaluable insights as a pilot, and push us to think beyond books. Meanwhile, my college mid-semester exams collided with camp days. Balancing both was a struggle, as I had to travel back and forth, giving exams without any real preparation. But somehow, I managed.

Finally, the moment arrived. We made it to Jalahalli (Bangalore) for the All India Vayu Sainik Camp 2024. The atmosphere was electric—cadets from 15 different directorates had gathered, each determined to prove themselves in flying, academics, and various competitions.

The very first day, we faced the flying test. For me, it didn’t go very well, and that shook my confidence. As the days went by, cadets’ names kept appearing on the list for further flying tests (a crucial step towards the Best Pilot Trophy). My name was nowhere. The tension consumed me, and there were moments when I broke down, believing I had failed.

Then, on a completely random day, my name finally appeared. Heart racing, I went for the test. We were asked flying-related checks, quick decision-making questions, and had to think on our toes while in the air. I managed to answer everything correctly, and for a moment, hope surged again. But fate had other plans. Despite our efforts, we couldn’t secure the Best Pilot Trophy, and overall, our directorate ended up at the 10th position.

The 10 days at AIVSC were packed with challenges, competitions, and learning experiences. Though I won’t go into every detail (as it would make this blog very long), what I can say is this—those 10 days gave me memories I’ll cherish forever. I got to interact with officers up to the rank of Lieutenant General, exchanged knowledge and experiences with cadets from across the country, and most importantly, made friendships that will last a lifetime.

Now, here I am, entering my final year of college. The cycle of attempts begins again, and the journey is far from over. AIVSC was not just a camp—it was a milestone. It taught me resilience, perseverance, and the ability to rise after every fall.

But for now, I’ll pause here. The story doesn’t end—it only waits for the next chapter.